Zell's So-Called Life
by nakiko
Summary: What happens when Squall admits his biggest secret to his bestfriend Zell.........? ~COMPLETED~.......(YAOI) my first fic so please R&R *PLEASE* lol.....
1. Squall's secret.

Disclaimer:  ****

Disclaimer: 

Yeah,yeah….I don't own this,I'm just a crazy final fantasy addict so please don't sue me!

Zell's So Called life:

Dear Diary,

Ever had one of those days?

Well,it all started off okay,I finally got to the cafeteria early enough to snag a hotdog,(or was it three?) Anyway,there's Selphie and Irvine sat at one table,all gooey looks and shit….I was definitely not gonna sit with those two! As usual,Seifer and his 'posse' (idiots) were takin' up half the room with their disciplinary meeting….if Seifer calls me chickenwuss one more time I'm gonna shove that gunblade up his a$$!

I didn't see anyone else worth talking to so I (stupidly) decided to go outside,just sit on the garden festival stage and eat my hotdog in peace,but nooooooooooo………..

Who do I find sitting out there,but Mr.Congeniality himself,Squall Leonhart and that was when things really began to go wrong………….


	2. Confessions of a SeeD

Squall was leaning against the front of the Garden Festival stage,staring out over the waves lapping the golden stripe of the coast ****

Squall was leaning against the front of the Garden Festival stage,staring out **over the waves lapping the golden stripe of the coast.He was wearing his typical outfit,all black leather and studded belts,it made him look so……..his long,hazelnut bangs were ruffled by the cool,salty breeze wafting in from the cyan waters.**

"Boo!" Zell whispered in his ear.

"Yaah!" Squall whipped round and gave him a sour look, "Don't do that again." He grumbled.

"Aww,did I scare big-ol'-Squally?" Zell asked him,bouncing on his heels and grinning wickedly.

"Do you want something?" Squall asked turning back to watching the ocean.

Zell frowned and folded his arms with annoyance, "I just came here to eat lucnch,but if you're gonna be so grumpy!" He began to walk off,but Squall's gloved hand caught the fabric of his jacket and he faced the morose SeeD again.

"I'm sorry,I'm just alittle……..preoccupied." Squall gave him a forced smile.

"Anything I can do?" Zell replied,hopping up onto the stage and tucking into his lunch.

"You wouldn't understand." Squall said blankly.

"Try me." Squall pulled his gloves off and ran a weary hand through his hair,he jumped up next to Zell, "I'm….no it doesn't matter." He averted his eyes,staring embarrasedly at his boots.Zell finished eating and put a comforting hand on his bestfriend's shoulder,Squall flinched,colour rising to his cheeks.

"What is it? You and Rinoa have a fight?" Zell's electric blue eyes filled with concern.

"She………she left me,for another man……I was too ashamed to tell everyone." Squall's voice was a hushed whisper and Zell could feel his shoulders beginning to quiver beneath his hand,he licked his lips nervously.

"No shit,I'm really sorry.You and Rinoa were-"

"The perfect couple,that's a lie and I knew it." His words were laced with bitterness.Zell sat there silently,not sure what he could say to reassure him.

"I guess she've found out eventually……." Squall said,trailing off.

"Found out what?" Zell's ears pricked up,this counselling thing wasn't so hard after all.

"I felt obliged to…….you know….go out with her after what we'd been through.don't get me wrong,I love here very much,but I gave my heart to someone else long before I met her."

Right then I should've just run away………oh diary,what a fucking mess…….

Zell's nose scrunched up and Squall looked at him,the crimson still blotting his cheeks. 

"Who? Quistis??" Zel lasked curiously. Who could he love more than Rinoa?

Squall shook his head, "She's a lovely woman,but no."

"Selphie??"

(Irvine'll kill him!!)

"Wrong again,too crazy anyway." Squall smiled ruefully.

Zell frowned,he was running out of people.

"Erhm……….Xu?" He replied totally confused.

"No……think,blonde,good fighter,snappy dresser." Squall said with a small laugh,he was cheering up at least.

The penny suddenly dropped and zell's eyes went the size of dinnerplates.

(SQUALL'S GAY?????)

" Seifer……you can't be in love with that bastard!" Zell cried anxiously.

Squall clapped a frustrated hand to his forehead, "Do you have a brain cell in there?" He joked,tapping a finger against Zell's forehead lightly.

"Let me see…….blonde,well that rules out Irvine…….good fighter….can't be Nida…….snappy dresser…….definitely not Laguna…….that leaves……"

Zell's jaw dropped and he stared at Squall in disbelief, "You don't mean?" Squall nodded and gazed back at him,he wasn't sure how Zell would react to this confession.

"What…you…you gave your heart to me?" Zell could barely speak,his stable,abeit slightly tediuos,of late,life had just been dealt a hefty blow.

He barely registered as Squall leant forward and planted a genlte kiss on his moist lips,putting a hand on the the back of his neck and sending a tingle of electricity down his spine.

"MMPHHH!?!!?" Zell pushed him away roughly and leapt up,staggering back in shock.Squall stood up and put out a placating hand, "I'm sorry-oh shit Zell,I didn't mean to-"

"Just leave me alone! I need some time to think about this ALONE!?!?" Zell's expression was different now,no longer the concerned friend,he almost looked afraid as Squall stepped forward to apologise.

"Can't we talk about thi-?" Squall started,regretting the kiss more as every second passed.

"I said alone.Please,I need some space." Zell felt the anger of Squall's intrusion draining from him,leaving a sense of confusion and barely concealed panic.Squall nodded, "I understand.I'm so sorry." He repeated calmly.Zell shot him one last look as he ran from the garden.What the hell was going on?

So that was my day,diary.My bestfriend told me he loves me and I don't know what to do……….i need a vacation….(sigh) 

From zell


	3. Seifer's Good Day

Chapter Three ****

Chapter Three:

Seifer leaned back in his chair and smirked,this was interesting stuff indeed…..infact,it was so interesting he'd dragged Rajin and a rather pissed off Fujin from their beds and they'd agreed…..everyone should know about Squall and Zell's dirty little secret.

At present they were pasting copies of the best pages to the garden walls and Seifer sat at a computer terminal in his room putting the finishing touches to his new 'postings' on the garden network.He couldn't wait until morning,it had been a very,very good day,but not for chickenwuss.

Quistis couldn't sleep,again.she stood in her breakfast nook and poured herself another cup of herbal tea,taking a long sip before she returned to her sitting room and flopped down on the sofa.She'd already checked the television……nothing good was on at two in the morning and phoned Xu to see if anything needed doing.

(Great Former Instructor Quistis Trepe….the insomniac)

"Warning-internal security alert-trepie hack prevention system alert"

Quistis put the mug down on her table and got up slowly.the Trepies,her old students and devotees (God knows why!) had set up a personal computer security system for her a while back to prevent anyone accessing test scores or altering data.She wondered why on earth it had gone off at this hour, "Probably broken!" She grumbled and pulled up a chair to her terminal.

"Balamb Garden Network Alterations in progress-new pages posted illegally.Tracing………"

Quistis waited impatiently for the hacker's work to display itself. 

"Oh Hyne…..!" She exclaimed as the new 'postings' appeared and she read with widening eyes, "Zell……."

Quistis stood and opened her door cautiously……it was as she'd expected,some bastard had stuck copies of the pages all over the corridor walls.

(and I bet I know which bastard!)

She scrambled for the phone and dialled hurriedly.

"Hullo? Who's callin'?" Came a drowsy voice,Selphie's face flickered on to the screen,her hair was sticking out at mad angles and she rubbed her eyes wearily.

"Selphie?" Quistis replied worriedly.

"Uh-Huh,hi Quissy,what's up?" Selphie asked shaking herself awake.

"I need your help,somebody's posted up parts of Zell's diary on the computers and up in the hallways.I have to remove it before sunrise!" 

She listened intently for Selphie's answer,suddenly another face appeared in the background. "Who the hell's calling at two in th-" Irvine looked blearily at the screen and gave Quistis an embarrassed smile, "Er…..Hi…" He started,pulling the bedcovers up over his bare chest. Quistis stifled a laugh,

(He keeps his hat on!!!!!)

"We'll get right on it!" Selphie saluted her and terminated the call.

Squall was woken by the sound of raucous laughter.He punched his pillow with irritation,this was his only day for a 'peaceful' lie-in.

After getting dressed he was annoyed to notice that the laughter hadn't stopped and he decided to go and yell at whoever was being so damn noisy. 

The minute he stepped out of the door,he could sense something was wrong,the group of cadets turned to stare at him,someone whispered something and they began howling with laughter again.

He gave them a foul look and they quickly dispersed,leaving the hall empty,he approached the wall they'd been so fixated on and tore down the lone piece of paper that was tacked up there.

(Dear Diary…..Ever have one of those days?)

Squall leant against the wall and read in silence,his hands tightening on the paper with every word of Zell's diary.…….

(Right then…..I should've just run away………what a fucking mess!)

He scrunched up the paper and dropped it into a litter bin as he walked back to his room,he could hear the sniggers of the students hiding around the corner ringing in his ears.He slammed the door,lying down on his unmade bed and yanking the covers over his head and clamping his hands over his ears,to shut out the taunts filtering in from outside…………


	4. food fight

Chapter 4 ****

Chapter 4

"I think we got all of them." Selphie said from under a pile of crumpled pages. Irvine began shoving them into the waste disposal system and Quistis thanked her Trepies for their help cleaning up last night.

"I'm going to report this to Cid. Seifer's the only one with the gall to pull a stunt like this." She turned to Selphie and folded her arms, a determined look on her face.

"Has anyone told Zell…and What about Squall? That stuff was about him too." Selphie asked handing Irvine another load to destroy.

"Hyne!" Quistis moaned, "Well, I guess someone has to tell him." She shook her head and stormed off to Zell's room.

(Zell's room 12:00)

(Knock knock) Zell tugged his jacket on and opened the door.

"Heya Quistis. Let me guess," He started cheerily, "Another mission eh?"

Quistis sighed, "No, I have some bad news."

(Squall?? Oh shi-)

"Come in." Zell said and ushered her over to his sofa. "Someone,posted pages from your diary up around the Garden and on the computers last night."She said solemnly. Zell's eyes narrowed and he frowned, "My diary, but it's right…" He looked over at his bedside table.

(No…my diary?)

"I think it was Seifer." Quistis replied, "This has his fingerprints all over it." Zell swallowed thickly, a ball of fear building in his chest.

"He came over in the evening, asking for money and……" He glared at her, "That BASTARD!?! I'm gonna kill him!" He jumped up and stalked out of the room, before Quistis could say a word to stop him…….

(The Cafeteria)

Selphie munched on her hamburger and tried to steal a couple of chips from Irvine's plate. "Hey! Get your own!" He slapped her hand playfully and she gave him an endearing pout, "Oh go on then." He caved, offering her the remaining food.

"Get Over here Almasy!!!" Zell's furious shout cut off every other conversation in the room like a knife. All eyes were on him as he stormed into the cafeteria and headed for Seifer and his gang.

As he reached them Seifer kicked his chair back and regarded Zell with a self-satisfied sneer.

"How's your boyfriend, Zell?" He asked in a syrupy voice.

Zell balled his fists and growled at him with un-concealed hatred, "You Asshole, I've never done anything to you!" He could feel the pain and rage in his body overflowing.

"I'm sorry chickenwuss, it's just a shame dear Quistis removed most of the good stuff, before everyone saw it." Seifer began to laugh, his shoulders shaking with mirth and the entire cafeteria joined him, one by one.

(Ohshitohshitohshitohshit!) Selphie glanced around frantically looking for something to distract the students attention. She struck on an idea and leapt to her feet.

"FOOD FIGHT!!!!!" She screamed and began lobbing plates of discarded food at the nearest table of cadets. They retaliated with a wave of cream desserts and soon the entire room had descended into a culinary drenched chaos.

Seifer and Zell however, were totally focused on eachother.

"Here and now, I'm gonna show you what happens when you mess with my life!" Zell gritted his teeth and waited for Seifer's reply.

The taller blonde shrugged and unclasped the hyperion from his belt, tossing it to Rajin, who was crouched behind an overturned table a few feet away.

"Come on then, I have better things to do than this." Seifer yelled over the screams and splats of the food-fight.

Zell rushed him and his first uppercut caught Seifer's jaw with a harsh snap of bone. He staggered back and licked the blood from his chin. Zell tried to control his breathing and dove in for another go. He kicked Seifer in the ribs and landed a sharp punch to the side of his head.

"Not bad Dinct." Seifer watched Zell bouncing from foot to foot, his leg shot out in a blur and swept Zell's legs from under him. He hit the lino with a crack.

(Underestimated the bastard-be careful)

Zell flipped back in a short cartwheel and landed a couple or meters from the wounded Seifer.

He sprinted forward, ready to swing for Seifer's head again, but this time he was ready.

Seifer raised his left hand and closed his eyes, a bolt of swirling,glowing amber energy streaked towards him and Zell felt himself slam against the cafeteria wall, he crashed to the floor and lay still, a stabbing pain ripped up his right leg and he tried in vain to move.

(What the hell was that-? Using magic…..that cheating…..)

Seifer stood over him now, his hand outstretched ready to cast another spell.

(I'm so screwed…..) Zell cried out weakly and braced himself…..

"AHH!" Zell opened his eyes again, Seifer was kneeling next to him, he shoved two hotdogs up Zell's nose and walked off with a snicker.

Seifer brushed the food off his trench-coat and turned the corner.

"Oof!" He stepped back and saw who he'd bumped into, "Well well, if it isn't lover-boy. I've just seen your chickenwuss in the cafeteria." Squall gave him a sour look, "You'll pay for this." He started darkly. Seifer nodded, "Whatever, I think you should be more concerned with Zelly right now, he didn't put up much of a fight." Squall grabbed him by the collar, "What the fuck have you done to him!?!?!?!" He demanded. "He's in the cafeteria, go and see for yourself." Squall shoved him against the wall and ran off.


	5. Protection

Chapter Five: ****

Chapter Five:

This chapter is dedicated to all my friends at bounty Hunters (lunatics),my parents(who'll kill me if they find out I'm writing this!) ^_^ and lush lou my very scary mate!

(The Cafeteria)

The food war was still in full swing as squall entered the cafeteria,SeeDs were raiding the kitchens now,looking for anything they could use to attack the opposing students.Squall wandered through the hail of confectionaries,calling out for Zell desperatly.He reached the back of the room and saw a body lying slumped against a fallen table,it was Zell.

He knelt down at his side and tried to shake him awake, "Zell,Wake up…..Zell?" 

"Mhhh……*Ugh!*" Zell came hurtling back to consiousness with a jolt."Where?" He asked Squall quietly. "The cafeteria.Did Seifer-?" Zell nodded and suddenly realised he still had two hotdogs shoved up his nose.Squall gazed at him sympathetically and stuck his fingers into Zell's ears,he sniffed violently and they shot across the room,hitting a very annoyed Fujin, "IDIOT!" She groused and returned to the fray.

"Let's get out of here." Squall said,supporting Zell as he tried to stand.They circled round the rain of food and headed outside.

Squall helped Zell up onto the Garden Festival stage.He was favouring his left leg and an arm was wrapped tightly around his ribs.Squall settled down beside him and leant against the backwall of the stage.

"I read the posters." He confessed.

Zell rubbed a shaking hand over his face,his lip was bleeding,his cheek beginning to purplew with a bruise. "Seifer he came round and………." 

"yes?" Squall prompted.

Zell sighed heavily, "He made a pass at me and asked for money to upgrade the hyperion.He must've taken my diary when I wasn't looking."He stared out over the ocean with dejected eyes.

"conniving little shit………" Squall muttered darkly.

"It's been the same ever since we were in the orphanage,he always teased me about everything.i thought the stuff with Ultimecia would change him………but,he's still the same old Seifer." Zell remembered,grimacing.He turned to face Squall, "I used to feel sorry for him,he never had anyone.At least I've got Ma." Squall shook his head, "People like him don't deserve sympathy."

Zell's lip began to quiver, "what……..what are we gonna do Squall? Everyone hates us." His shoulders heaved and Squall searched his eyes intensly, " we're going to be fine.I'll take care of you." Zell pulled his knees up to his chest and Squall placed a comforting arm around his shoulder. Zell was sobbing now,the first tears of betrayal and isolation streamed down his face.He rested his head on Squall's lap and buried his bruised face in his palms.squall let out a wavering breath and ran his fingers over Zell's sunlight blonde hair,stroking it tenderly.

"I'll protect you." He whispered softly.


	6. Train of thought

Chapter Six: ****

Chapter Six:

This chapter is a flashback/dream sequence for Zell……….if you're confused email me and I'll explain! Dedicated to the nutters in 11w at W.K.G.S.

(Then)

** Zell locked his diary and placed it on his bedside table,his room was a pigsty,clothes lay all over the floor in crumpled piles and empty food cartons were overflowing in the bin.The walls were covered in Timber Maniacs posters and photos of Zell doing various dodgy poses with Selphie,Quistis,irvine and Squall………Squall,his bestfriend………..boyfriend?

Zell pondered how completely whacked out that really sounded.Just a few hours ago he'd thought that Squall was a one-Rinoa guy,but now…………….

He looked at the clock,eight-thirty,not exactly late,but he felt drained and the first aching pangs of a headache suffused his skull.He pulled off his top and kicked his trainers into the corner.Standing infront of the mirror,in just his faded,denim shorts he took a long,hard look at himself………What could Squall see in him?

(Knock knock)

"What now?" Zell grumbled and wrenched the door open.

(Oh……shit)

This was the last person he expected to see,especially at this time of near night. "What do you want?" He demanded. "Now is that any way to treat a friend?" Seifer asked him with a smile. "Friend? That's a laugh!" Zell retorted and went to shut the door.Seifer's hand caught the frame and he spoke in a low whisper, "I need to talk to you,let me in." Zell frowned,and stepped back,allowing him to enter grudgingly.

Zell sat cross-legged on his bed and motioned to a chair,Seifer swept a mess of clothes off it and sat down. 

"………………"

"………………."

"Well? I haven't got all night." Zell eyed him suspiciously.

Seifer was at his side before Zell could even blink,he scrambled back over the bedcovers and gasped as his back hit the wall.Seifer leaned in closer,his face barely a hands-breadth from Zell's,his cool,blue eyes gazing at him almost predatorily. "Uh………Seifer…….W-what ya doin'?!?!?!" Zell stammered.Seifer's hand came out of nowhere and he traced a gentle finger across Zell's tattoo, "I need a favour……" He began huskily.

(Not AGAIN!!!?!?!?)

Zell's mind and heart were racing,he could feel a solitary bead of sweat meandering down his temple. "What kind of favour?" He whimpered fearfully.Seifer was much closer now,his nose practically touching Zell's,his breathing shallow.Zell searched his eyes for any hint of deception,he had to be joking…….not twice in one day! This wasn't happening…….

"Some money,I want to upgrade the hyperion." Zell let out the breath he'd been holding,utter relief rushed through his body.

(Seifer doesn't want me!!!)

"Yeah.SURE! Take as much as you like!" Zell leapt off the bed and rummaged around in his jacket pockets,finding two fifty gil notesand pressing them into Seifer's hand.He guided him to the door and was just opening it when he was grabbed roughly by the hips,Seifer rested his head on Zell's shoulder and wrapped his arms around Zell's slim waist,his hands warm against his muscular chest.

"Thanks Zell," he purred, "I owe you one." Zell stood paralysed by Seifer's embrace.

(Waaaaaaaahhhhhh! I was wrong!)

And then he was gone,into the Balamb Garden hallway,with a swish of coat-tails and a final thankyou.Zell blinked semi-consiously and stumbled back into his room,now he definatly had a headache.**

(Now)

Zell sat bolt upright on the carpeted floor of the train carriage,his forehead shone with perspiration and he felt disorientated for a few sleep-clung seconds.

(Seifer……..How could you?)

He frowned,casting aside all thoughts of that idiot with a sledgehammer.

Zell glanced around the luxurious SeeD cabin,it's deep red upholstered seats and tasteful décor.Mid-morning rays shone warmingly through the open windows,he let them wash over him,cleansing the nightmare memory of Seifer's visit.

(Just when I thought we were finally getting on)

Wobbling to his feet,Zell flopped cross-legged onto one of the couches and studied his orders for the fifteenth time.

"Retrieve a package from Balamb Main Station,sent by principal Martine of Galbadia garden and return it to me by tommorow.Headmaster Cid."

Zell sighed and rolled his eyes frustratedly,delivery-boy dinct-how dull!

He leant over the back of the sofa and stared moodily out of the window.The horizon was shadowed with snow-capped mountains,but to his left,aquamarine ocean waves crashed against the sandy shores.

(Squall………..)

Flocks of pearly-white seagulls flew in perfect formation to nests hidden in the verdant forests dotting the lush,green grasses that swayed in the cooling breeze.

(Squall…………..how do you feel?)

Zell listened intently,not moving a muscle,to the sounds of the engine humming steadily beneath his feet,the cries of far off animals shrouded from view.

(Squall………………….How do you really feel about him?)

He closed his eyes,as if the darkness would shut off the questions running rampant through his mind.

(How do I feel? Squall……..My bestfriend confesses he gave his heart to me and what do I do? RUN! What does that say about me? Maybe Seifer was right……. Maybe I'am a chickenwuss……….but when we kissed……i……oh shit)

Zell propped his head up with a leather gloved hand,he was so confused,so alone…….except for squall.He vaguely noticed that the train had come to a halt….

(Balamb Main…Repeat Balamb Main please-)

Zell hopped off the chair and down the steps,now was no time to be thinking about Squall,he had a job to do.


	7. Out Of Balamb

Chapter Seven: ****

Chapter Seven:

This chapter is dedicated to all you wonderful Final Fantasy fans out there.(Especially those who read/review my ficcies Okay,so I'm running out of people to dedicate this stuff to! Enjoy! ^_^

Quistis checked her watch for the third time and stopped pacing with a sigh.Squall leonhart-Mr.Puncuality-Was late………..

(He's been like this for days,ever since he read Zell's diary……………..)

"Sorry,I overslept." Squall came running out of the Garden gates and skidded to a halt infront of her.His clothes were slightly crumpled and he had dark circles under his grey eyes.

"I'll let you off,just this once." She replied with a smile, "Come on,Cid wants the area around Garden cleared of threats by tomorow." Squall shook his head in dismay, "Clean-up duty,and I thought Zell got the short straw." She patted his arm, "Nevermind,we could be clearing up after the food fight-think how Selphie feels!" Squall shrugged, "I guess." He gave her another wan smile and started out into the nearby forest.

(The Forest)

It was far from quiet under the blanket of verdant foliage,the haunting music of hidden animals echoed through the trees.Squall had taken point as usual and he was totally focused on the path ahead,gunblade drawn,senses on high alert.Quistis glanced back into the shadowy bushes,she could have sworn she heard something a second ago………

(Not again….Damn Ultimecia,her time compression summoned much more dangerous monsters to Balamb Garden's surrounding forests than anyone could have thought possible…..and it was left to us to pick up the pieces.)

"Squall?" She narrowed her eyes and flexed her whip as the monster appeared from the darkness…….it was like nothing she'd ever seen before,some kind of hybrid,all dripping fangs and vicious looking claws,it towered over her,a menacing growl emanating from it's throat.

"I'm asking for a pay rise!" Squall yelled and charged at the creature,sweeping his gunblade in a deadly arc,it sparked on contact with the 'Thing's' yielding flesh and Squall leapt back,joining Quistis as she threw up her arm,bringing her whip down with a harsh crack.

(Oh Fuck!…….)

The monstrosity barely flinched,Quistis let out an involuntary yelp and flung herself out of the way as it's claws ripped through the air towards her. "Oh no you don't!" Squall put a gloved hand to his forehead and Quistis recognised immediately what he was attempting,she clasped her whip in both hands and closed her eyes,invoking the power of Thundara.

In a blinding flash of pure,white light,crackling,churning up the earth,the spell took hold and engulfed the creature,reducing it's body to ashes.

Quistis opened her eyes and looked over to see Squall examining his gunblade for scratches,he met her eyes and nodded, "One down." She laughed softly, "Only god knows how many left to go!"

(Late evening- The Forest)

"Are you sure we'll be okay?" Quistis warmed her hands next to the makeshift fire Squall had set up.He unclasped his gunblade and propped it up against the log they were sitting on. "I'll cast shell and protect if it'll make you feel better." She shot him a sour look, "I'm being paranoid…….." The corners of squall's mouth curled up.

(Hyne,it's so good to see you smile)

Quistis fiddled with the hem of her dress nervously,avoiding his intense gaze……..

(Silence……bloody unbearable)

"It was true." Squall rubbed a hand over his face tiredly.

"What?" Quistis asked,her curiousity piqued once more. 

"The stuff Seifer posted from Zell's diary……" She frowned,the sudden tingle of apprehension running down her spine.

(Squall………and Zell???)

"…………………"

"…………………"

(Say something DAMMIT!)

"I thought Seifer just made it up,to spite you….." She began anxiously.Squall shook his head, "No,I……I'm in love with him,Quistis and I don't have a clue what to do………" His face was highlighted in the amber glow of the firelight,his eyes glistened and Quistis stared into them worriedly. "I-I need advice…..What the hell should I do?" Squall took her hand,gripping it tightly.

(Advice? As if I'm in any position to give that…..)

"I think….." She began,choosing her words so carefully, "You should let Zell decide on his own,give him alittle while,it must've been a shock to say the least."

(You're kidding me!………..)

Squall's head lowered,his sleek,brunette hair obscuring his eyes…….

"Thankyou." He replied in a controlled whisper. "I just needed to hear it from someone else………I can't force him to like me." She put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "It'll be fine,you'll see.Now if we can just get rid of these monsters and go home!" 

(Oh Squall……………Why did you have to ask me………………..?)

Squall squeezed her hand gratefully and stood up,his eyes had returned to normal,no tears to shed……… "Let's get some rest,more creature-killin' fun tomorow." He said with a sarcastic grin.Quistis watched as he lay down,pulling a SeeD issue sleeping bag over himself.

(Just make it through tomorrow…..we can all go back to Garden and then………….What?)

Quistis sighed heavily and lay in the hard ground,sihouetted in the flames,she tugged her sleeping bag around her shaking shoulders and tried to sleep………..


	8. Alone With Your Thoughts

Chapter Eight: ****

Chapter Eight:

Quistis couldn't disguise her fatigue anymore.She knew it,and to her shame so did Squall.Her former student walked by her side.his gunblade swung over his shoulder,bloodied and scratched.

"Do you want to stop?" He halted so suddenly that she stumbled forward ungracefully.A strong arm caught her and pulled her back upright.

"It's only a few miles back to Garden." She replied,dusting herself off and attempting to retain some dignity infront of Squall.He gave her a classic Leonhart frown, "You're exhausted." He glanced around the dusty track and a thankful expression dawned on his tired face. "Over there-Look,a hotspring." Quistis bit her lip, "You don't mean?" Squall took her hand,leading her into the cool,dark foliage. "We can freshen up in no time." He said, almost cheerfully.Quistis groaned.

(How bloody convenient.)

The clearing was beautiful,a bed of multi-coloured flowers blossomed around the inviting,steaming pool of crystal clear water.Shafts of pure,golden light shone through the canopy of lush,green trees above.

As squall shrugged out of his jacket and pulled his vest off to reveal a lean,muscular chest.Quistis stood silently, "What are you waiting for?" Squall asked her a sudden concern in his grey eyes.She smiled sunnily at him, "Nothing." She replied with a strained laugh.

Quistis unclasped her belts and laid them out over a nearby rock.She kicked off her boots and slipped her sleeves down,touching the zip of her dress hesitantly.

(It's Squall for Hyne's sake!)

She let the peach garment fall to the floor,instantly feeling exposed,her alabaster skin prickling with goosebumps.

Squall dumped his pants in a crumples heap and offered Quistis his hand again, "The rocks are slippy,let me help you." She looked at the flowers,the trees,the hotspring-anywhere but at Squall. "Are you okay?" He asked.Quistis nodded mutely and stepped forward,clutching a small bar of soap and sponge from her hip pack.She couldn't help but let her eyes travel down his body,migrating southward until………….

She could barely breathe as his warm,firm hands supported her.She entered the water with a tiny splash.The weariness began to bleed from her bones while the spring water suffused her skin.

Squall brushed an errant strand of hair from the back of her neck,sending a heavenly shiver down her spine.He released the clip that bound her locks and they tumbled freely over her quivering shoulders.

(Long,golden hair……the colour of sunlight……)

Squall banished the thought from his mind and spoke softly in her ear, "Give me the soap." She passed it to him,her cheeks turning crimson.

(You've dreamt of this……..)

Squall put a hand on her waist,rubbing the bubbled sponge over her collar-bone gently as if she were made of glass.He moved it down,casting slow,rhythmic strokes across her pert breasts.Quistis bit back a moan of pleasure,her fists balling under the water.He rinsed off the sponge and swept her shimmering hair back over her shoulder,carefully massaging her back,avoiding the mottled bruises on her punished arms.

(I can't take this……….)

Quistis felt her breathing grow shallow,laboured under his tender caress,She let a single tear slide down her burning cheek,washed away as she wet her face with a shaking hand.

Squall gave her hips a squeeze, "All done.Feeling better?" He said with a grin.She waded to the edge,clambering up,too afraid to look back at her dream………

"Quistis?" His voice filled with apprehension.She gathered up her clothes,barely sure if this wasn't some cruel hallucenation. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine." She replied dressing absently. "I'm just happy you found someone you truly love." She turned back now,Squall was looking up at her,almost ethereal in the mist rising from the pool.She smiled at him sadly and disappeared into the undergrowth,leaving Squall naked and alone with his thoughts.


	9. Invitation

Chapter Nine:  
  
This chapter is dedicated to my three cats:- Nancy,Sammie and Rosie...thanks for all those dead frogs......*Okay,this is getting kinda sad now!*  
  
Author's note:I'm gonna try and explain Chapter 8 now....Well,basically I did the hotspring scene to show how truly open and trusting Squall is infront of Quistis.This makes Quistis' situation even more sad because he is totally oblivious to her feelings and she knows he will never love her back.......(Does that make any sense???)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Zell lay on his bed and stared up at the ceiling boredly.It had only been two hours since he'd returned from Balamb,but already he longed to be out doing something-anything to beat the monotony........  
  
(Stops me thinking too hard...........)  
  
He sat up and glared out into the evening sky from his window,angry swirls of mauve and amber clashed over the distant hills and a ghostly shadow of the moon was beginning to rise.........  
  
(Squall.....you bastard,who'd have thought you'd cause me so much worry.)  
  
Zell pulled off his jacket moodily and tossed it away,he ran a hand through his spiked hair and was heading for the shower when.......  
  
*Knock knock*  
  
"If it's Seifer you can fuck off!" He snarled at the door.  
".............It's me."   
  
(Huh?.....)  
  
He recognised the voice immediately,but it sounded troubled,as if the strength,command had been stolen from it.He unlocked the door hurriedly.  
  
"What is it?" Zell's words came out clipped,far too sharp.Squall almost took a step back,he hadn't seen Zell look this annoyed since.............  
  
"I have bad news." He replied wearily.  
  
(I've heard that one before.)  
  
Zell motioned him inside and he entered hesitantly.Squall sat down on the sofa and folded his arms,a look of discomfort on his beautiful face.  
  
(Beautiful?.......where'd that come from?)  
  
"You're not going to believe this." He began quietly.  
"Is it about........?" Zell asked him nervously,following the patterns in the carpet with his eyes,he could barely look at Squall.......  
  
"Seifer's been promoted-He outranks us now." Squall made a fed-up noise and braced himself for Zell's reaction.   
  
"WHAAATT?!?!?"  
  
(Great-He's totally lost it!)  
  
Zell jumped off his bed and gesticulated wildly, "You've gotta be kiddin' me!" His sky blue eyes pleaded with Squall to be lying. "No.Quistis told me he was   
awarded a field commission for his latest mission to Esthar.Saved some civvies from a monster or something-" Zell snorted, "How the HELL did that happen??" He demanded frustratedly.Squall shrugged,trying to sound sympathetic, "I wish I knew......." He trailed off,feeling more than a bit useless,Zell was fuming........  
  
(If I could just hold you.......reassure you......)  
  
*Knock Knock*  
  
Zell wrenched the door open,ready to explode if this was another case of 'bad news.' "Hello.We come bearing gifts,ya know!" Rajin beamed at him widely,and shoved a crumpled piece of paper into his hand.He stepped back,waiting impatiently for Zell to read it. "ENJOY." Fujin stated,a wicked sheen in her eye.Rajin peered past Zell,and spotted Squall sat on the couch. "Oh,we interrupting something?.....ya know?" He asked with a smirk.Zell scowled at them and slammed the door,making the frames rattle weakly.  
  
"Awh crap!" Zell scanned the invitation with exasperated eyes,the silver leaf bore words he'd never expected.......  
  
Zell Dinct and Squall Leonhart,  
You are cordially invited to attend   
COMMANDER Seifer Almasy's promotion party,  
8-30 ''til late,Thursday 6th,Garden Function rooms.  
(attendance is compulsory)  
  
COMMANDER Almasy  
  
(Putting our names together........I'm gonna......)  
  
Zell groaned and handed the invitation to Squall,who read it silently. "Compulsory?!?" He wailed as Squall looked up bleakly, "Stuff that!" Squall sighed, "It'll look suspicious if we don't go." Zell frowned.  
  
(What've we got to hide...........? I'm not........)  
  
"At least we can feel awkward together." Squall smiled,standing up to leave.Zell nodded and flopped down on his bed as the door clicked shut.  
  
(Nothing to hide............right?)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Unwelcome Return

Chapter Ten:  
  
This chapter is dedicated to the wonderful peeps at SQUARESOFT-without whom I'd never have had an excuse not to do my homework!! ^_^  
  
Btw,I'm going to try and explain chapter 8-the hotspring stuff now....basically it was done just to show how totally trusting and open Squall is with Quistis,he would tell her anything and thinks nothing of being completely naked,not only physically but emotionally towards her.It also makes her situation even more tragic because this is excatly what she wanted to have with Squall and knows he will never feel the same way about her.That make sense? Thanx nakiko.   
Tonight reminded Squall way too much of the SeeD Graduation Ball,the same room,the same people.  
  
(But not the same me eh?)  
  
Seifer was stood over by the bar,talking and gesturing grandly to the group of giggling sycophants that had clustered around him,as if somehow his new-found glory would rub off on them.  
  
(Arrogant shit.....)  
  
He felt awkward,over-dressed in his starched SeeD uniform-the only decent 'occasion' clothes he owned.Standing,alone in the corner,holding his third glass of wine,he began to wish that he'd stayed in the dorms.  
  
"Hello Squall."   
  
(Oh CRAP!)  
  
She stood infront of him,just as she'd done only a few months ago,but something was undoubtedly different..........  
"Rinoa...Hi." He nodded at her,trying to contain the burst of emotion her presence forced out of him.She was wearing a low-cut pastel green dress,with long,organza sleeves,her silky,dark hair hung in neat braids over her pale shoulders. "What are you doing here?" Squall inquired curiously.She smiled,and motioned to Seifer, "Commander Almasy asked me." He couldn't be sure,but the use of Seifer's rank was almost like a taunt,a break-away from her usual cheerfulness. "Fancy a dance?" She asked him,reaching for his hand and dragging him onto the dancefloor before he could protest.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Zell scanned the huge,glass-ceilinged hall,for someone-anyone he knew-even vaguely.He hated these things,especially when he was invited purely out of spite..........  
  
There he was-High and mighty Commander Seifer.......Twat.....  
Quistis was dancing with Nida.Rajin and Fujin were getting drunk at the bar.Selphie and Irvine were harassing everyone with another video-camera........  
  
(I want to go home......)  
  
He was just about to leave,when he spotted Squall and a girl in a green dress dancing..........It can't be????  
  
(Rinoa.......?)  
  
He headed for a vacant table and began to drown his sorrows on cheap booze.......  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
  
  
(Of all the times for you to return.........)  
  
Squall was concentrating so much on not crushing Rinoa's tiny feet that he almost missed her first words....  
  
"I know about you and Zell."   
  
(Huh?)  
  
She rested her head on his shoulder and gripped his hand tighter,forcing him to continue dancing. "What?" He replied in confusion. "Seifer told me,I have to admit that's part of the reason I'm here." Squall stumbled slightly,but her grasp on his waist was like a vice. "It isn't w-what you think..." He stammered.She whispered in his ear sweetly, "You make me sick....all the time we were together you were thinking about fucking that little runt."   
  
(What the-?)  
  
His eyes widened,her voice was like poison,bitter,full of malice.  
"Rinoa..it wasn't like that." He pushed her away,stopping dead in his tracks.  
"Don't lie to me! It must've been so convenient when I dumped you,I hope you'll be very happy with Zell.You COWARDS deserve eachother!" She spat he words at him like acid barbs.  
He looked into her eyes,so consumed by mocking and anger.......  
  
(Hyne!.....Does everyone know?)  
  
"Rinoa......I-I....." He tried desperately to say something,but the words stuck in his throat like glue.  
  
(Getoutgetoutgetout)  
  
The entire room had ground to a halt,all eyes locked on Squall and Rinoa stood in the centre of the dancefloor.Seifer turned to his groupies and sniggered,low satisfied laughter........this was the best promotion present ever.  
  
Zell swallowed the last of his drink and realised that the music had disappeared,no conversations,no laughter......nothing.He watched dumb-struck as Rinoa continued with a sarcastic smile.  
  
"I always suspected there was something wrong with you.....I don't know what I ever saw in you......" She finished with a flourish.  
  
(That BITCH!?!?!?)  
  
Zell shoved his way through the crowd and yanked a large bowl of dark,red punch off a nearby table.He stormed across the void of empty dance-floor and unceremoniously upended the bowl over Rinoa's head,drenching her in sticky alcohol.She screeched and glared at him,pawing at her ruined dress.Zell's eyes blazed with fury, "Don't you ever," He growled dangerously, "Come near us again." She stepped forward and slapped his cheek with a stinging crack. "I wouldn't dream of it." She yelled and stalked off into the night.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
  
(Zell's Room,About midnight.)  
  
"That Bitcsh! I showed her!" Squall helped Zell pull off his boots,after Rinoa's grand exit they'd thrown caution to the wind,left Seifer's party and gone to get drunk at a pub in Balamb.Squall giggled and pulled off his SeeD uniform jacket,throwing it over the sofa lazily. "Now we jusht hafta kick Seifer's a$$." He slurred,wobbling over to sit next to Zell on his bed.Zell nodded,yawning....... "We're gonna get in trouble when Cid hears 'bout thish." He said mischievously,grinning at Squall moronically.Squall slapped his shoulder, "Whatever." Zell's eyes cleared suddenly and he gazed at Squall steadily,he leaned in closer,their faces so near that he could fell Zell's breath,hot and sweet on his cheek.Squall's face was flushed,his hazelnut bangs partially obscuring Seifer's gunblade brand on his forehead.He closed his eyes,licking his lips with anticipation.His heart quickened,beating like a bass drum.........  
  
(So tired.......)  
  
Something slumped against him and his eyes snapped open,shattering the moment.Zell lay,one arm round his shoulder,eyes shut in peaceful sleep.Squall sighed and hoisted Zell's legs up onto the bed,pulling the blankets up over his tanned chest.He touched Zell's tattoo with cautious fingers,tracing the intricate design..........he turned away,to settle down on his sofa......soon joining Zell in a deep slumber..........  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Doubtless

Chapter Eleven:Doubtless  
  
Squall popped the migraine pills into his mouth and took a gulp of coffee.  
  
(Remind me never to go drinking with Zell again.....)  
  
*Knock knock*  
  
"Zelly!" Selphie skipped from one foot to another excitedly,the door opened,but it definitely wasn't who she'd expected leaning against the frame.  
"I brought you some-oh!" She nearly dropped the platter of breakfast treats,balanced on her slender wrists.  
  
(Squall????)  
  
"Morning Selphie.Zell's still asleep." Squall mentally kicked himself as he saw Selphie's eyes widen to dinnerplate size.She smiled at him with badly concealed shock.".........."  
" s'ok.Hiya Sefie." Zell rubbed his face groggily and physically dragged himself out of bed.He had grey smudges under his dulled sapphire eyes and his hair was dishevelled.  
  
(Selphie's gonna think we slept together.)  
  
Squall cursed silently and retreated to the breakfast nook to make some more coffee,heaven knows Zell looked like he needed a wake-up call.Selphie held out the platter,it was heaped with bagels and pieces of honey buttered toast. "Something ta cheer ya up!" She smiled at him expectantly.  
  
(awh.......)  
  
"I'm gonna-" Zell's face drained of colour,turning positively green and he clutched his stomach before stumbling off into the bathroom.Selphie lowered the plate a look of concern etched on her pretty face.Squall shrugged at her apologetically, "Hangover.I'm sorry." She shook her head in dismay, "I don't blame you,I heard Seifer's party was a wash-out." She set the plate down on Zell's coffee table.Squall leaned on the counter feeling suddenly drained, "Atleast everyone else had fun." Selphie bit her lip nervously, "I'll come back later okay?" Squall nodded and thanked her for the thoughtful gift.  
  
******************************************************************************  
(Zell's room-Five minutes later.)  
  
"You alright?" Squall listened in at the bathroom door.He heard the toilet flush and stepped back as Zell came out,wiping a hand over his mouth. "Fine,Selphie sure has good timing." He replied sarcastically.Squall laid a hand on his shoulder.  
  
(Please don't flinch...........)   
  
"She's only worried about you," He began slowly, "I'm sorry about last night..." Zell flicked his hand away aggressively.He looked at Squall with confused eyes, "That's the problem." He said cryptically and sprinted from the room,not even realising he was semi-naked.  
  
(Last night...........I sorry......aren't I??)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Cid's Office-Midday)  
  
"I have asked you all up here to discuss a matter of grave importance." Headmaster Cid paced past them in turn,his hands clasped in the small of his back and his expression deadly serious.Zell glanced down the line.......  
  
Quistis stood to attention,totally focused on Cid's briefing.  
Squall's arms were folded again and he glowered at the floor wordlessly.  
Seifer shot him a sardonic smile,he mouthed, "Good party eh?" Zell's hand clenched into a fist and he almost lost it........  
  
(How much do I wanna punch that look off his face......)  
  
Cid repeated himself testily, "Zell? Zell are you listening?"   
"Huh?," His reverie broken suddenly, "Sorry.You were saying Sir?" Cid sighed and continued pacing anxiously. "Garden is sending you,our best SeeD's,on a retrieval mission to Dollet.Vital tactical computer files were accidentally left behind after Galbadia invaded and it has only just come to our attention.Obviously,we wouldn't want these documents to fall into the wrong hands,so you will be shipped out to Dollet on Monday at 16:00 hours." Squall frowned, "Are we expecting any hostile company?" Quistis whispered in Zell's ear covertly, "Not if you don't count Seifer." Cid shook his head, "No,just a straight-forward job,you'll be briefed further on route." Zell stepped forward, "Who's in charge?" Cid indicated, "Commander Almasy will lead this mission." Seifer puffed out his chest proudly. "Dismissed." Cid said and ushered them outside.Seifer glanced back at them one last time and strutted off to the lift.  
  
(A$$hole......One day I'll-)  
  
"Well,this is going to be fun." Squall said indignantly.Quistis pivoted round to face them,a coy smile playing on her lips, "Oh I don't know....." Zell raised his eyebrow quizzically, "What's that mean?" Quistis winked, " I'll tell you later."  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Zell's room-6:00)  
  
*knock knock*  
  
(Aww........what is it now?)  
  
Zell opened the door and was wholly unsuprised to see Squall,flanked by a very smug looking Quistis. "Is now a good time?" Squall asked noticing the slightly sour tint to Zell's eyes. "Yeah,come in." Quistis noted vaguely that Zell had been tidying,gone where the piles of clothes and food-wrappers......  
  
(He's getting more like a certain person everyday.......)  
  
"Anyway," She began,sitting down next to Squall on the couch, "I have a piece of information,I need to share." Zell feigned shock, "Not gossip,surely??" He asked throwing his hands up dramatically.  
  
  
(........That lightened the atmosphere.........)  
  
Quistis laughed and carried on with her story, "Well,I found out the real reason COMMANDER Seifer got promoted."   
  
(What..........real reason?)  
  
Squall and Zell sat deathly quiet with burning curiosity.Quistis grinned trying to control her hilarity long enough to explain, "The mission was to extract a group of trapped scientists from an underground installation in Esthar.....a request from their government,after an accident or something,anyway,Seifer was sent in with Rajin and Fujin as backup......" She was overcome by giggles and Squall rolled his eyes frustratedly. "So,they.....found the scientists and were just leading them to the surface when they were attacked by a monster....huge,very bada$$ creature.It went after Fujin and Seifer cast cure on her,but she'd already cast reflect on herself......so....*hee hee* it bounced back on the beast......course Seifer decided that now was the time to make a run for it,save his own butt......however,the creature was undead,and his spell wiped it out!!" She collapsed in a fit of giggling.Zell's mouth hung open for a fair few seconds, "You mean our great leader Seifer just struck it lucky!!?!?" He asked with a smile.Quistis nodded, "PURE LUCK!" Squall looked at them,his eyes sparkling..........  
  
"................"  
  
(Is he okay.......?)  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Squall pounded the sofa arm with his fist and dissolved into uncontrollable mirth.It took atleast five minutes for them to stop,gasping for air and grinning like maniacs.Zell watched Squall for a second........  
  
(He looks happier than I've ever seen him...........it feels.....)  
  
Their eyes met and Zell looked away,colour rising to his cheeks.Squall stood abruptly, "Well,it's getting late.I'd better go." He practically ran from the room.Quistis got up to leave.   
  
"I'm sorry........." Zell said softly.She turned to him,pasting a confused expression on her face, "Sorry? About what?" Zell grimaced,his eyes filling with tangled emotion,   
  
(I know how much this hurts you,Squall and me.........I can't even decide how I feel and it must be so hard..........I really am sorry........)   
  
"It's nothing......forget it." He averted his gaze the scarlet in his cheeks growing deeper.Quistis bit her lip, "Thanks." She replied understanding his sentiment and shut the door with a barely audible click.  
  
(.............Squall......What am I gonna do?)  



	12. Sacrifice

Chapter Twelve:  
  
(Dollet Beach)  
Quistis opened the boat hatch and Zell clattered down the ramp,impatient to get this mission over with.Seifer swaggered past him,shoving Squall out of the way.Quistis rolled her eyes, "I'd love to come with you guys,but I'm stuck guarding the boat." Seifer shot her a sickly smile, "Yes,such a pity.I'm sure we'll manage without you though." She pressed the switch to shut the doors and put two fingers up at him with a grin.  
  
(Go Quissy!..........show that arrogant shit!)  
  
"It's this way,hurry up." Seifer ascended the stairs and disappeared into the half-ruined streets of Dollet.Zell approached Squall with trepidation,he was lost in thought,staring at something further down the beach,a pained look in his cloudy eyes. "You,okay?" He asked uncertainly.Squall pointed to the metal carcass sprawled in the sand,riddled with bullet-holes from all those months ago. "Our first mission together........" He replied wistfully.Zell scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, "It's been that long eh?......" Squall turned away suddenly and started for the steps, "Yeah....seems like forever."   
  
(.........there's something wrong here...........)  
  
Zell sighed,too much was going on for him to stress over Squall,he followed the SeeD up into Dollet,trying to shake the tiny ball of fear building in his guts.................  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Dollet Government Offices)  
  
"STUPID,BLOODY,awh! Where the hell are they?!?!!" Seifer rifled around in the desks on the ground floor of the large Government Offices like a man possessed.They had found the building fairly easily and Squall had broken the locks with his gunblade in no time.Zell leaned against a filing cabinet and flicked through the useless admin documents,he considered that the files Cid wanted might not even be here anymore,but kept looking anyway.  
  
(What a waste of time...........I could be out doing somethin' worth while,but noooooooooo)  
  
Squall piped up from the far end of the room, "I found them." Seifer strode over and snatched them out of his hands. "Let's get out of this dump." He sneered,shoving the papers into his trenchcoat pocket. "Aren't those important?" Zell inquired coyly.Seifer ignored him and blustered outside,leading the way back to the shore.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Dollet Beach-Twenty minutes later)  
  
(I need a beer,bath and my bed...............)  
  
Zell traipsed along behind Squall as Seifer pushed them down the stairs towards the waiting boat.Due to Seifer's brilliant sense of direction,they'd only gotten lost three times,every time Squall suggested they go left,Seifer said right.  
  
(And I'm stuck in the middle............)  
  
*Rumble*  
  
"What was that?" Squall glanced around the empty shore,drawing his gunblade swiftly.  
  
*RUMBLE RUMBLE CRACK*  
  
"Ohh SHIT!" Seifer ran for the boat as the ground infront of them split,crumpling down to a dark crevasse,a blanket of hot steam rose and shrouded the air around them,making it impossible to see.  
  
*RARRRAARRRRRR*  
  
"Quistis open this fucking door NOW!?!!?!!?" Seifer was panicking now,banging on the hatch with the hyperion,blindly.  
  
(What the hell is going on?)  
  
"Squall?" Zell yelled over the deafening cries of the unseen creature. "I'm here." He felt a firm hand close around his wrist.  
  
(Thank Hyne,I'm not alone.............)  
  
Suddenly the mist cleared,blown away by an unnatural gust of wind.Quistis gave them a quick thumbs up and bungled Seifer into the boat hold.  
  
(A spell......why didn't I think of that!)  
  
"Zell!" Squall's voice sounded strange,a tinge of unusual emotion...........fear?  
Zell whipped round to see the monster emerging from it's shadowy resting place.It was colossal,bigger than any Guardian force Zell had ever seen,a cross between an insect and chemistry experiment gone wrong.It lowered a pair of dripping mandibles in their direction and Zell was hit with a waft of it's foul breath. "Ugh! *Cough*...*Gag*...." He staggered back and Squall took over,running at the monstrosity,hacking and slashing with his shimmering gunblade,Zell shook himself back to reality.....  
  
(My fists aren't gonna do jack......)  
  
He gripped his wrist with his left hand and pushed out,stepping forward,clumsily in the sand.He felt the air around him begin to crackle with static,sparking against his skin,making the hairs on his neck stand on end....  
  
(Just like when we.......)  
  
Squall finished his assault on the insect and sprinted for the boat,there was no chance of them beating this thing,the ship,didn't even have machine guns to help out anymore.....   
He skidded to a halt,turning back,dropping his gunblade........  
  
(ZELL?!?!!!?)  
******************************************************************************  
Zell watched as the creature was consumed by a white hot flurry of lightening strikes,he smiled victoriously.  
  
(That should do it....)  
  
"Huh?" His face changed,eyes glazing slightly as the monster reappeared,unscathed,a rainbow glow emanating from it's chest........  
  
(REFLECT?...........I-I'm gonna die..........)  
  
He stood rooted to the floor,unable to move a muscle as he tried to comprehend what was about to happen.Then something shoved him,hard from the right and he was falling,tumbling head over heels over the gritty sand.He lay still and opened his eyes hesitantly.  
  
Squall slammed into Zell's side and flung him out of reach of the spell,the ground at his feet filled with a piercing light,the heavens themselves opened and rained searing lightening through his body,burning his skin,he closed his eyes and let the agony overwhelm him...........  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.......)  
  
(Oh god-oh god...............Squall.......)  
  
Quistis summoned as many GF's as she could,every spell draining her energy,until she could barely stand,the creature finally gave a final roar and phased out of existence......She sank to the ground,exhausted and passed out gratefully.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Zell scrambled up,tearing across the beach,oblivious to his own wounds,only Squall mattered now.Seifer was kneeling over Quistis,he picked her up gently and headed for the ship.He looked back to Zell,  
  
(........This isn't happening.......I didn't like them,but I never wanted to see Squall dead..........)  
  
"Wake up.....Oh HYNE.....Squall wake up???!?!" Zell cradled Squall's broken body in his arms,his shoulders shaking uncontrollably.  
  
(..............let this be a nightmare...........)  
  
"Please......" He pleaded softly, "I'll do anything,just don't die......." He pressed his head against Squall's chest,salty tears wetting Squall's deathly pale skin.He felt a faint vibration,deep inside......  
  
(His heart........it's still beating!!!)  
  
Seifer's hand touched his shoulder lightly, "We have to go....." Zell looked up at him,dizzy with hope, "He's still alive." Seifer swallowed,a wave of relief coursing through him,he nodded and helped Zell lift the unconscious SeeD into the hold.  
  
(Don't die on me............I won't let you go..........)  
  
****************************************************************************** 


	13. Desperation

Chapter Thirteen:  
  
This is dedicated to Squall,Zell,Seifer and Irvine-not real,but soooooooo lovely all the same......*lol* dedications are getting ridiculous....  
  
(Balamb Garden-Mid-morning)  
  
"Zell?"   
  
(Go away.............)  
  
"Zell? I want to tell you something."  
  
(I said GO AWAY!)  
  
Zell lifted his head and met Seifer's eyes evenly. "What?" He snapped,his temper on a knife edge.Seifer pulled up a chair and leaned his elbows on Dr.Kadowaki's desk. "I wanted," He began obviously embarrassed, "To apologise.......I didn't mean to hurt you,and now......" Zell smashed his fist down on the table top,sending potions and papers to the floor. "Is that supposed to ease your conscience?!!? Huh?!!? You've put us through HELL,and enjoyed every minute of it.Just coz Squall's hurt,you want to kiss and make up?" He backed away,seeming almost afraid of his own rage, "I'll never forgive you.......if he dies.....I-I'll....." Zell trailed off,his breathing ragged with anger.Seifer blinked at him in shock and pushed the chair forward,leaving the room without another word.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Infirmary-Afternoon)  
  
Dr.Kadowaki tapped Zell on his shoulder,he seemed so preoccupied,so distant.Who could blame the poor kid,he'd had a rough week. "You can see him now." She said with a smile.He looked back at her with desperate eyes, "Is he gonna be okay??" She frowned slightly,and pretended to check some charts, "It's up to Squall now,he's strong,he'll pull through." Zell didn't appear reassured by her speech in any way,he walked over to Squall's room in a daze.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
"Hi........."  
He sat down on a hard-backed chair next to Squall's bedside.They'd taken Squall's jacket off,and he lay bandaged and still,under cream sheets,pulled up to his elbows.Zell studied him in silence,his hazelnut bangs brushed away from his pale skin,the dark slice of a scar across his forehead,his chest rising and falling like the tides................  
  
(Can you hear me..............? I don't care............)  
  
"I'm sorry......." He started,faltering at the sight of Squall's battered body, "If I hadn't been so quick to fight,you'd be arguing with Seifer or helping me cut the queues in the canteen........all the things we used to do,before....."   
  
(It's my fault........oh Hyne,I did this..........Squall,forgive me....)  
  
He sighed,resting his head in his hands, "I have a confession....."   
  
(I never thought I'd say this.............but...)  
  
He rubbed his eyes wearily and slipped his hand around Squall's.The birdsong outside,shafts of warming sunlight streaming through the windows,any other time this would've been perfect.  
  
(I can't..........no.If you die,I want to atleast have told you the truth.)  
  
"I....I feel something for you too.I didn't want to admit it,but I think I've fallen in love with you.........."  
  
(And now you might die.............)  
  
Zell shut his eyes tightly,desperate to control the swirl of feelings raging inside him,for Squall's sake.He leant forward,and pressed his lips gently against Squall's forehead.Resting,his arms on the blankets next to Squall he put his head down and fell instantly asleep..........  
  
(...........)  
  
************************************************************************  
  
No new reviews for three days.....*_* that's alittle off putting,but fear not!!!! Nakiko will continue to write evn if only one person keeps reading!!! *laughs maniacally-too much cake!*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	14. Holding Back

Chapter Fourteen:  
  
(I've never seen him look this..........hollow....empty.......lonely....)  
  
Quistis peeked at Zell discreetly from behind a copy of Timber Maniacs.He was sat at a table in the far corner,an untouched hotdog lying on his plate.His eyes downcast and he looked exhausted. "I can't stand this." Selphie's voice held an atypical sadness,she fiddled with the tie on her uniform restlessly.Quistis nodded,folding the magazine up, "I don't know what to do.Until Squall wakes up.......I guess we'll all have to wait." Selphie nodded, "For Zell's sake,I hope he's okay...." Quistis sighed and pulled Selphie from her seat, "H-Hey!" She squeaked in surprise.Quistis locked eyes with her and replied in a solemn whisper, "Let's just leave him be.Eh?"  
  
(It's to painful to watch................that could've been me...........)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Zell stared aimlessly at the potted plant in the centre of the cafeteria.He couldn't concentrate on anything,couldn't eat,and sleeping......well,that brought hazy nightmares of Dollet and Squall,his lifeless body in the infirmary.........  
  
(.......gotta snap out of this........Squall would've......)  
  
Zell felt his stomach wrench,he was doing exactly what Squall had always feared.........referring to him in the past..........as if he was already gone.  
  
(I'm sorry.............I.........)  
  
*Bing Bong-Will Zell Dinct please report to the infirmary immediately-repeat-*  
  
(SQUALL?!!?!!?)  
  
Zell didn't need to hear the message twice,he leapt over his table with a crash and ran for the infirmary as fast as he could.  
  
*****************************************************************************  
  
(The Infirmary)  
  
Zell slammed through the door and stumbled to a halt infront of Dr.Kadowaki,a look of mixed anticipation and terror on his tattooed face. "What's wrong???" HE demanded breathlessly,leaning on his knees.Dr.Kadowaki pushed her chair back and abandoned the papers she was signing. "Someone wants to see you." She beamed and Zell straightened up,his ocean blue eyes wide, "Y-You mean....?" He stammered,half unbelieving. "Take a look." She patted his shoulder and motioned to the door,it swished open quietly.  
"Hi." Squall was sat up in bed,wearing a clean,black t-shirt and smiling at Zell from under his bandages.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
"I thought you were dead...." Zell began softly,drawing up a chair next to Squall's bed. "One Thundara? I don't think so....." Squall joked weakly.Zell averted his eyes,his cheeks burning scarlet, "You saved me......" His voice wavered, "I'm sorry......I should never have-" Squall pressed his finger over Zell's lips, "I had my reasons......you don't need to feel guilty.Everyone's fine,that's all that counts." Zell sniffed and gazed into Squall's eyes deeply, "I'm just so glad you're alive."  
  
(............)  
  
(Now I can tell you how I feel............)  
  
Zell swallowed thickly, "I-I.......need to-"  
  
"Come on Zell,visiting hours are over.Let Squall get some rest." Dr.Kadowaki bustled into the room and ushered Zell outside with a smile,he glanced back at Squall almost forlornly.  
  
(................Squall,I have to tell you...........)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	15. The Truth Will Out

Chapter Fifteen:  
  
Gosh,it feels like only yesterday I started writing this little ficcie.....and now there's only one more chapter left.I hope you've enjoyed my first attempt at Shonen Ai,I sure had fun! This chapter is dedicated to Lisa,a great friend and gifted artist.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Two days later,Balamb Garden)  
  
Zell hadn't seen much of Squall since he woke up,whether out of fear or cowardice,he couldn't decide.....  
  
(....I need to tell him,I'm gonna go stir-crazy just sitting here..........)  
  
He sighed and swung his legs absently over the Garden Festival stage edge.  
  
(This is where it all started................)  
  
He was just about to jump off and head back to his room,when he spotted Quistis striding purposefully towards him,her eyes like storm-clouds.  
  
"Yo,Something up?" He asked,keeping his tone light.She hopped up next to him and looked out over the sweep of golden sand,lapped by a turquoise,liquid blanket, "Squall's fine......." She began a hint of irritation in her voice, "And you still won't cheer up."   
Zell grabbed her shoulder tightly,forcing her to meet his eyes, "What the hell does that mean?!??" He cried,taken aback by her words.She shook her head,a sudden pain washing over her, "You have someone who loves you very much......don't take it for granted."   
  
"............."  
"............."  
  
Zell dropped his hand,turning away guiltily, "I didn't mean...." Quistis smiled, "Take care of him for me." She slipped off the stage.As she walked away Zell nodded,speaking under his breath, "I promise."  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Balamb Beach-Early evening)  
  
The sky was a canvas of warm peach,laced with sugary,pink sherbet clouds.The ocean reflected golden slivers of the dying,evening sun.Zell padded silently across the shore,shoes in one hand,the cool,damp sand yielded beneath his feet.Flocks of cream-coloured seagulls scythed through the air,in perfect formation,their shrill cries the only sound,except for the splash of waves,caressing the sand.He could see him now,leaning against a water-worn rock,his head bowed in distant thought.........  
  
(I know what I have to do.............)  
  
Zell approached him hesitantly,his confidence wavering as he got close enough to see Squall's face,perfect profile silhouetted in the faint sunset,only blemished by that fateful scar received all that time ago......  
  
  
(I never realised how beautiful he is.............)  
  
"Hi....." His voice sounded so small,vaguely terrified of doing something wrong.Squall looked up,his eyes lighting up as he met Zell's gaze. "How did you find me?" He inquired,motioning for Zell to sit next to him.Zell leaned against the rock heavily,barely able to contain his trepidation, "Oh,Quistis told me...."  
  
(.........Come on,don't back out now.............)  
  
Zell took a sharp breath and threw caution to the wind,   
  
"Squall?"  
  
Squall tilted his head,smiling slightly, "Yeah?" Zell didn't hesitate anymore,he grasped Squall's shoulder so suddenly that he gasped in surprise.His other hand found Squall's neck,reaching up into the sleek mass of hazelnut hair,he leant in closer,his lips inches from Squall's.  
  
(Oh Hyne........I've waited for you............)  
  
Squall shuddered at Zell's touch,his arms sliding around the blonde martial artist's waist,Zell kissed him fiercely,deeply.As if he'd never kissed anyone like this before.......Squall opened his mouth,allowing Zell to explore,he tasted of honey,saccharin sweet against Squall's tongue.  
  
(....Thankyou...........)  
  
Zell drew away,meeting Squall's storm-cloud eyes.........  
Squall,brought his hand up to Zell's forehead,stroking his hair,as he'd done at Garden......that same comforting tenderness,made Zell's heart race......  
"I......" He stumbled on the words,his cheeks blossoming with a blush.  
"I....love you." He finally managed,looking at Squall with fearful eyes.  
  
(Don't reject me............)  
  
"I love you too........since forever." Squall sighed happily,he laid his head against Zell's chest,holding him tightly.  
  
(.......I've waited so long,and now..........)  
  
Zell kissed his cheek and grinned contentedly.They lay,entwined in eachother's arms and watched the setting sun sink beneath the waves.  
  
~FIN~  
  
******************************************************************************   
  
So what did you all think???  
I'll do my massive thankyou list now,get it over and done with:-  
*lol* Anyway,i wanna thank everyone who read and/or reviewed this little ficcie (no flames!!) and the authors who've been so supportive towards me: Darksquall,flowergirl862000,Fantasy lover,reno4Lyfe and everyone who's stuck with the story!! ^_^ I also wanna thank Squaresoft,without whom I wouldn't have a cast of yummy guys like Zelly-poo (I'm sad) to drool over.....and last but not least,all the people who I forced to read my drafts,including the guys at Bounty Hunters,My school friends and my poor Mum......  
  
Just one favour to ask;please,PLEASE review my new ficcies,feedback keeps me writing!! ^_^ luv nakiko  
************************************************************************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
